Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
