There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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