You're my little dorito
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i out mim tonsoeep
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