We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
