I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
