Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
