planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
