seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
