I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
