omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
