dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
