hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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