ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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