I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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