Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
