Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
