hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
