Whatcha textin bout Willis?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Send help, water and tortillas.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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