i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
