i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
