Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
