I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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