did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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