when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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