drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
