This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
