I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
