Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
