I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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