Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
