Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
