There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize