Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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