i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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