idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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