Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
