I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
