Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
