I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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