did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
