he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
