Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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