my mouth tastes like poor choices
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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