I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
