Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
