he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
