i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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