Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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