**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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