Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
