So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
