look no pants
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
