Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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