My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
