69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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