Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
