The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
