using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize