hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
