It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
