you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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