Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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