told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
