I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
