ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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